Kill-Devil’s Advocate

“Wine is fine but whisky is quicker”

Ozzy got that wrong

It should’ve been “rum is fun and I’m ready to get some”

Booze for all seasons and situations

Neck it in a bar before you neck the girl

Right after you’re done drinking it in a tropical cocktail

Rainforest in a glass

Pretend you’re sophisticated and swirl it neat in front of the fire

Or down it while writing your next review

You’re cultured. You’re not an alcoholic.

Imagine you’re an adventurer on the high seas

Yo, ho, ho, something or other

Sip it at festivals and find your tribe

They’re not alcoholics either.

Rum really is the perfect drink

It warms the blood in our veins

Opens new doors

Creates friendships 

Makes life a little more bearable


I’ll never forget the holiday I took to Grenada

Where spices grow with all the colours of a rainbow

Golden beaches as far as the eye can see

The rum is what really grabbed my attention

One sip of Rivers blew my damn head off

Another sip got me into the bar

Where a local shoved a bottle into my hand

“Drink. Babash put chest on your chest.”

I couldn’t find any reason to argue with his logic

“Drink. Babash makes men strong.”

I’m pretty sure I tasted gasoline and cola nuts

“Drink. You’ll be as randy as a stoat in summer.”

I don’t remember what happened next

But I woke up next to my wife in the morning

And she seemed pretty satisfied